So... I dyed my hair. This is what I now look like!
Quite a big change huh? For those of you who don't know what I looked like before... here is a before and after shot.
I have been asked, probably a thousand times why I decided to do this to my hair. Which honestly translates to me, "Man, you looked way better beforehand!" To most, I respond with, "because I wanted to look hott!" or "I just needed a change!"
While neither of those reasons are wrong, there is a deeper reason that I changed my hair. With so much going on in my life right now, my brother in law and sister going off into the MTC, and Zack graduating with his masters being right around the corner, I was just feeling left behind. Zack graduating means that we are done with school. Something that I have been waiting for since basically the day that we got married! Our whole marriage has been him going to school and me going to school and working. We have never had a substantial income. We have had enough to get by (with loans for grad school), but not really much extra. I guess I should be ecstatic that this time period is coming to an end, but really, I am scared to death! I guess I thought by now that our lives would just look a little different. I thought before that we would have a child before we graduated from SUU. Now our time here at ND has come to an end, and yet, we leave here childless. Don't get me wrong, I am so grateful for what Zack and I have, and this wonderful time that we have had to spend together, getting to know each other and falling more in love. I know that if we would have had a child that ND wouldn't have been a viable option for us financially. I love the life we have. I just also know that there is a special kind of love that grows between a man and his wife when they raise their children. I feel that what Zack and I have is something special. Something so special, that bringing a child in to be a part of our family would only strengthen it. I guess it all comes down to, I feel like I am spinning my wheels. I feel like I am trying to move forward, but my forward progress isn't really in my control. It seems like everyone that I know is either pregnant, graduating, finding awesome jobs, or heading off into the future in some other way. And I'm over here like, oh hey! Can I watch your kids and pretend they're mine? I mean most of the people that got married around when Zack and I did are on their second kid now. And this whole feeling of not moving forward is just amplified by the fact that we aren't sure where we are going in May yet, and I, therefore, cannot start applying for jobs or looking for housing or deciding what my next move is. Then I realized. I am just letting the baby thing rule my whole life. I AM moving forward. I graduated college in December for Heaven's sake! The only area that I haven't progressed in is being a Mom, and that isn't really in my control. SO... I sold my baby bassinet that I had been saving for our baby to sleep in, and I dyed my hair. I love the blonde. Yes, it is more damaged than it was, yes, I know that it took some getting used to, especially for Zack, yes, it probably was a little expensive, and yes, I love it anyway.
This change in my hair signifies a change in my attitude. Even though there is not a lot in my life that I can control right now, I could change my hair. So, every time I look in the mirror, I remember that I sold that baby bassinet that I loved, and by doing that, I took back a little bit of control. I no longer have to walk by that beautiful piece of furniture and have it remind me of what I don't have yet. Now I get to look in the mirror and remember that I am beautiful. And that makes me happy.
Quite a big change huh? For those of you who don't know what I looked like before... here is a before and after shot.
I have been asked, probably a thousand times why I decided to do this to my hair. Which honestly translates to me, "Man, you looked way better beforehand!" To most, I respond with, "because I wanted to look hott!" or "I just needed a change!"
While neither of those reasons are wrong, there is a deeper reason that I changed my hair. With so much going on in my life right now, my brother in law and sister going off into the MTC, and Zack graduating with his masters being right around the corner, I was just feeling left behind. Zack graduating means that we are done with school. Something that I have been waiting for since basically the day that we got married! Our whole marriage has been him going to school and me going to school and working. We have never had a substantial income. We have had enough to get by (with loans for grad school), but not really much extra. I guess I should be ecstatic that this time period is coming to an end, but really, I am scared to death! I guess I thought by now that our lives would just look a little different. I thought before that we would have a child before we graduated from SUU. Now our time here at ND has come to an end, and yet, we leave here childless. Don't get me wrong, I am so grateful for what Zack and I have, and this wonderful time that we have had to spend together, getting to know each other and falling more in love. I know that if we would have had a child that ND wouldn't have been a viable option for us financially. I love the life we have. I just also know that there is a special kind of love that grows between a man and his wife when they raise their children. I feel that what Zack and I have is something special. Something so special, that bringing a child in to be a part of our family would only strengthen it. I guess it all comes down to, I feel like I am spinning my wheels. I feel like I am trying to move forward, but my forward progress isn't really in my control. It seems like everyone that I know is either pregnant, graduating, finding awesome jobs, or heading off into the future in some other way. And I'm over here like, oh hey! Can I watch your kids and pretend they're mine? I mean most of the people that got married around when Zack and I did are on their second kid now. And this whole feeling of not moving forward is just amplified by the fact that we aren't sure where we are going in May yet, and I, therefore, cannot start applying for jobs or looking for housing or deciding what my next move is. Then I realized. I am just letting the baby thing rule my whole life. I AM moving forward. I graduated college in December for Heaven's sake! The only area that I haven't progressed in is being a Mom, and that isn't really in my control. SO... I sold my baby bassinet that I had been saving for our baby to sleep in, and I dyed my hair. I love the blonde. Yes, it is more damaged than it was, yes, I know that it took some getting used to, especially for Zack, yes, it probably was a little expensive, and yes, I love it anyway.
This change in my hair signifies a change in my attitude. Even though there is not a lot in my life that I can control right now, I could change my hair. So, every time I look in the mirror, I remember that I sold that baby bassinet that I loved, and by doing that, I took back a little bit of control. I no longer have to walk by that beautiful piece of furniture and have it remind me of what I don't have yet. Now I get to look in the mirror and remember that I am beautiful. And that makes me happy.
