July-December 2009
Marriage. So happy. Best husband ever.
Such a good husband. Lets make a family!
Not yet. Spend time together. Get to know each other. Fall more in love
.
Missed a birth control pill. Pregnant? Pregnant? Pregnant? Could it happen?
Am I pregnant? Is it too soon? I think maybe I am pregnant.
Blood. Tears. Not pregnant. Please can we try now?
Not yet. Too early. No money.
Birth control is making me crazy.
Back of the package says 93% effective. I hope I am one of 7%. Please please please.
I hope I'm pregnant. Could I be? OMG please.
Blood. Tears. Not pregnant. Emptiness.
Done with pills. Zack agrees. Other forms of Birth control.
January-June 2010
Feeling at a loss. Heavenly Father promises us we will have kids at the right time.
Please be the exception. Please be pregnant.
Blood. Tears. Not pregnant.
Please be the exception. Please be pregnant.
Blood. Tears. Not pregnant.
Please be the exception. Please be pregnant.
Blood. Tears. Not pregnant.
Please be the exception. Please be pregnant.
Blood. Tears. Not pregnant.
Please be the exception. Please be pregnant.
Blood. Tears. Not pregnant.
July 2010-December 2010
Zack agrees it is time to try. Joy. Tears of joy. Can't wait!!
Hope, please please please please please!
Blood. Tears. Not Pregnant.
Hope, please please please please please!
Blood. Tears. Not Pregnant.
Hope, please please please please please!
Blood. Tears. Not Pregnant.
Hope, please please please please please!
Blood. Tears. Not Pregnant. Should we see a doctor?
Hope, please please please please please!!!
Positive pregnancy test. Run to the school, meet Zack after his class, share the good news.
So excited. Very panicked. How will this work out? Mostly excitement. We will tell parents over Thanksgiving!
Blood. LOTS of tears. Miscarriage.
Maybe next month.
Hope, please please please please please!
Waiting,hoping, waiting and hoping, waiting and hoping.
Blood. Tears. Not Pregnant.
Doctors. Testing.
REPEAT CYCLE 12 TIMES.
November 2011
Hope, please please please please please!
POSITIVE PREGNANCY TEST!!!!
Write a poem. Record Zack reading the poem! SO excited! We feel ready!
We will tell family over Christmas.
Blood. SOOO many tears. Miscarriage. Heart broken.
Maybe next month.
Hope, please please please please please!
Waiting,hoping, waiting and hoping, waiting and hoping.
Blood. Tears. Not Pregnant.
Doctors. Testing.
REPEAT CYCLE 23 TIMES
Many absolutely amazing things happened during these years. I do not want to paint a picture that the first 4.5 years of our marriage was horrible because that could not be farther from the truth. We were very happy. We grew closer in love and learned to understand each other that I believe wouldn't have been the same had we had children when we wanted to. We are very lucky to have each other. We witnessed many miracles and have grown more than we expected. I love Zack more than I ever thought I could love another human being. He is more than I could have imagined for myself and if we never ever had children, he would be enough for me. There would be heartache involved, of course! But he would be more than I could ask for. All that being said, infertility is no joke. It freaking sucks, and it is a trial that honestly makes no logical sense at all. People who are most of the time very fit to be parents who don't get to raise the families that they dreamed of. It is a beast. While I am currently pregnant with what will hopefully be our first child, I still know that I will most likely still suffer from infertility my whole life. I will always miss those sweet spirits that were miscarriages, and this will be a lifelong challenge. I am so grateful for my beautiful growing family, and I hope that others can witness our miracle and it will give them comfort for their future families as well. Now, if you want to know what it was like when we found out and a little about the doctors, you can read the next post! If not... This one to me is the bulk of our story.
Marriage. So happy. Best husband ever.
Such a good husband. Lets make a family!
Not yet. Spend time together. Get to know each other. Fall more in love
.
Missed a birth control pill. Pregnant? Pregnant? Pregnant? Could it happen?
Am I pregnant? Is it too soon? I think maybe I am pregnant.
Blood. Tears. Not pregnant. Please can we try now?
Not yet. Too early. No money.
Birth control is making me crazy.
Back of the package says 93% effective. I hope I am one of 7%. Please please please.
I hope I'm pregnant. Could I be? OMG please.
Blood. Tears. Not pregnant. Emptiness.
Done with pills. Zack agrees. Other forms of Birth control.
January-June 2010
Feeling at a loss. Heavenly Father promises us we will have kids at the right time.
Please be the exception. Please be pregnant.
Blood. Tears. Not pregnant.
Please be the exception. Please be pregnant.
Blood. Tears. Not pregnant.
Please be the exception. Please be pregnant.
Blood. Tears. Not pregnant.
Please be the exception. Please be pregnant.
Blood. Tears. Not pregnant.
Please be the exception. Please be pregnant.
Blood. Tears. Not pregnant.
July 2010-December 2010
Zack agrees it is time to try. Joy. Tears of joy. Can't wait!!
Hope, please please please please please!
Blood. Tears. Not Pregnant.
Hope, please please please please please!
Blood. Tears. Not Pregnant.
Hope, please please please please please!
Blood. Tears. Not Pregnant.
Hope, please please please please please!
Blood. Tears. Not Pregnant. Should we see a doctor?
Hope, please please please please please!!!
Positive pregnancy test. Run to the school, meet Zack after his class, share the good news.
So excited. Very panicked. How will this work out? Mostly excitement. We will tell parents over Thanksgiving!
Blood. LOTS of tears. Miscarriage.
Maybe next month.
Hope, please please please please please!
Waiting,hoping, waiting and hoping, waiting and hoping.
Blood. Tears. Not Pregnant.
Doctors. Testing.
REPEAT CYCLE 12 TIMES.
Hope, please please please please please!
POSITIVE PREGNANCY TEST!!!!
Write a poem. Record Zack reading the poem! SO excited! We feel ready!
We will tell family over Christmas.
Blood. SOOO many tears. Miscarriage. Heart broken.
Maybe next month.
Hope, please please please please please!
Waiting,hoping, waiting and hoping, waiting and hoping.
Blood. Tears. Not Pregnant.
Doctors. Testing.
REPEAT CYCLE 23 TIMES
Many absolutely amazing things happened during these years. I do not want to paint a picture that the first 4.5 years of our marriage was horrible because that could not be farther from the truth. We were very happy. We grew closer in love and learned to understand each other that I believe wouldn't have been the same had we had children when we wanted to. We are very lucky to have each other. We witnessed many miracles and have grown more than we expected. I love Zack more than I ever thought I could love another human being. He is more than I could have imagined for myself and if we never ever had children, he would be enough for me. There would be heartache involved, of course! But he would be more than I could ask for. All that being said, infertility is no joke. It freaking sucks, and it is a trial that honestly makes no logical sense at all. People who are most of the time very fit to be parents who don't get to raise the families that they dreamed of. It is a beast. While I am currently pregnant with what will hopefully be our first child, I still know that I will most likely still suffer from infertility my whole life. I will always miss those sweet spirits that were miscarriages, and this will be a lifelong challenge. I am so grateful for my beautiful growing family, and I hope that others can witness our miracle and it will give them comfort for their future families as well. Now, if you want to know what it was like when we found out and a little about the doctors, you can read the next post! If not... This one to me is the bulk of our story.
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