Drum roll please...!

If you missed my last blog post, long story short, I took a pregnancy test.  Before wiping (TMI, sorry) I placed the cap on the test and turned it over to start the dreaded wait.  Typically about 3 minutes of excruciating, unbearable waiting.  I would know, I have made it through about 100 of those "waiting periods".  (I told you, I am a pregnancy hypochondriac.  I wasn't kidding.) Well this time was different.  This time, before I even set the test down, I saw a very dark, very clear plus sign.  Pregnant.  And I have an 8 month old baby.

Can we talk about a rush of emotions?!  I mean we are talking fear, excitement, panic, gratitude, the whole 9 yards!  Although I will admit that fear and panic were the two that really stand out to me as I remember back to those moments as I cleaned up and washed my hands. I mean within the last 8 months we bought a house and had a baby!  Life was already moving at lightening speed!  How can we be having ANOTHER baby?! But with tears in my eyes, feeling very scared, I looked down at my sweet little Rylie sitting right outside the bathroom door.  Her little wrists and ankles were twirling and she had a special sparkle in her eye with a little nervous giggle as if she was relieved that she didn't have to keep the secret anymore that she will be a big sister.

In that moment, I knew that all would be well.  I knew that this is exactly what was in Heavenly Father's plan for us, and that we could handle this.  I knew that even though there would be some really rough moments and sleepless nights to come, these are the trials that I prayed for for 5 years. This is exactly where I want to be.


TO MY FRIENDS WHO STRUGGLE WITH INFERTILITY:

I know that it is hard.  I am not telling you that as a person who has "overcome" infertility, or knows everything about it.  I don't really have any advice to make it easier or go by faster, it was the hardest thing that I have ever done and I cringe at the thought that there are people still feeling those feelings while I am happily "popping" my second baby out.  I just want you to know that I love you and that, if I know of your struggle, I pray for you by name.  But I also know that there are many friends who keep this struggle to themselves.  So if I do not know of your struggle, I still pray for you. I still want you to have babies. Healthy ones, and lots of them. Keep plugging away.  You can do this.  And while you wait for your sweet babies to get here, find something that makes you happy and cling to it. I wasn't too good at that, and I think it may have helped me.


Basic Info:
I was 9 weeks pregnant when I found out that I was expecting- which explains why my emotions were all over the place and I was feeling so overwhelmed and sick!  Yay!

I am now 13 weeks pregnant.  Through the first trimester and feeling much better!  The baby is due December 2, 2015.  If you are trying to do the math, I will make it easy on you.  16 months.  Rylie and the new baby will be 16 months apart.  Zack, Rylie, and I are all thrilled.  A bit overwhelmed, but thrilled nonetheless.


Summary:
Life flies by.  In the matter of 16 months Zack and I will have gone from being a married couple, renting a condo in Ohio, to being parents of 2 children who own a home in Michigan.  Seriously, we feel blessed in a big sort of way.   So thank you all for being a part of this wild ride that we call life.

Life... What a wild ride!!!

February/March:

Being a mom is my absolute favorite!  It has already made me a better wife.  Basically since coming back from Christmas break I finally feel like I am in normal life.  The last part of 2014 was a whirlwind!  Here is a brief summary of our schedule for August on.

August- Rylie.. she was born!  AMAZING!!  And we had family out here for much of the month helping us adjust to the sleepless nights.

September- Bo and Taylor got married!!  So wonderful!  This meant Rylie, Zack and I got to take our first plane ride together! 

October- MOVED!  We went from renting our little condo in Ohio to owning our home in Michigan!  What a wild ride that was!

November- Besides getting settled into our new lives as home owners and new parents both with new jobs,  and juggling our water softener and water heater breaking, we got to take our second trip to Utah as a new family and spend Thanksgiving with the Olsens!

December- Well Christmas duh!  We came home for about 3 weeks and then were off again to Utah! What a fun holiday1


Needless to say, it was crazy.  Finally when we got home from Christmas we were able to settle into our new lives.  And can I just tell you?  I LOVE IT!  I LOVE BEING A MOM AND A WIFE!  Sure, I am working part time still, but it is so wonderful to be able to have dinner made and a clean house and a sweet baby to go along with my absolutely "perfect for me" husband.  Seriously.  Life is so so so wonderful.  I cannot even get over how beautiful my life is. And I don't mean that in an obnoxious "my life is better than yours" way. I just mean that I am really happy.  I still have so much to learn, but I just feel like I am on top of things better than before she came.  I feel happy and capable.  I remember before I got pregnant with her I would often tell Zack that I felt like I was just spinning my wheels as hard as I could and not going anywhere.  I don't feel that way now.  I feel so happy.  Don't get me wrong, I get VERY tired. Like can't keep my eyes open tired.  And sometimes Rylie goes through hours of crying when I can't figure out what is wrong.  But even in those moments, when I want to cry, and I feel overwhelmed, I can't help but be grateful.  These are the trials I have always wanted.  These are the trials I can be grateful for even during them.

Bottom line- I love being a mom.

Late April:

I have not really been feeling myself recently.  I went home to spend a week with my family in Utah.  Ever since coming back from there I cannot figure out what my deal is.  Being a  wife and mother is my very favorite thing.  I cannot even express how much I love it.  But the last few weeks I feel overwhelmed.  It seems like it is one thing after another.  I cannot get over any illness quickly, I am having a hard time breastfeeding because my milk is disappearing, and I just feel like Rylie is super hard to handle right now.  Which is crazy. She is an amazing baby.  I know that it is me but I just can't seem to get the energy to get anything done anymore and I feel sick all the time.

Feeling so overwhelmed, I went to Zack to express to him my feelings.  I know that it took us so much time and work and money to get Rylie, but the thought of having another kid right now seemed SO overwhelming.  So I asked him if he felt okay about starting some birth control, even though I haven't had any sort of cycle yet since Rylie was born.  He talked me out of it for the time being, saying how much I would regret it if I went on BC and then we couldn't have another one for another 5+ years.  So I asked him for a blessing to help me feel better. 

I won't go into too much detail, but after the blessing I felt a quiet urge to take a pregnancy test.  I didn't tell Zack because I am a hypochondriac especially when it comes to pregnancy tests and I know he would talk me out of it because the likelihood is so small, and the tests are expensive.  So I took one.

Rylie Dawn. A video of the day she was born

My sweet sister Adi made this cute video of the birth of our sweet little girl. Don't worry, there is no actual nudity in it.  Be warned: there are a few slightly interesting pictures, but the process of birth is so beautiful that I just don't care how weird or ugly I looked.  This was the best day of mine and Zack's life together so far. And the only thing that makes it more beautiful is the fact that we know we get our sweet Rylie for time and all eternity. Because we were sealed in the temple, our family is not just "til death do us part".  My family is together forever. If you would like to learn more about my beliefs or how families can be together forever you can visit www.mormon.org

The miracle of Rylie Dawn- Part 2

Tuesday- August 5, 2014

They checked me at 12am and I had made no progress.  Also at midnight, my parents arrived in Toledo.  Right after I got the text that they had arrived safely, I started to have contractions every 2 minutes apart.  Pretty hard ones too.  I was so excited!  However, when they checked me at 7am I had made ZERO progress. With the fact that my mom was unable to deliver vaginally due to her lack of dialation, my doctor's plan was to send me home after he checked me, and let me go another week or two and if I still hadn't made progress to try and take the little one via c-section. However when he was supposed to check me in the morning, he was pulled into a last minute birth and was unable to make it over to check me. Luckily the nurses must not have known the whole situation, because regardless of the fact that I had made no progress, they put me on the pitocin. When the doctor came back in at noon, he told me that I had made just enough progress that he could break my water.  He was in my room probably less than a minute and by the time he left my contractions were unbearable.  My whole body was shaking uncontrollably as if I was having a seizure.  Luckily my new best friend, Gino, was right around the corner with my epidural.  luckily the epidural was way worse in movies than in real life.  The only part that was hard about it was that I couldn't move during a contraction and I felt that I didn't have control over my body during that time.  But luckily it went right in no problems and in about 30 minutes I was feeling a little better.  However I was still in a lot of pain, so they called Gino back in and he gave me another dose of meds. Once that happened, I was feeling great!  So happy to be having our sweet baby! 

That lasted a few hours, and when the nurse came in to check me again at about 4-4:30 I was in a lot of pain again and only dialated to a 3-4. That was like no progress.  So Gino (who apparently was really attractive, but I don't remember his face, I only remember his meds) came back in and gave me another dose of meds.  He told me I would feel better within about 15 minutes but in 30 I felt no relief.  He came in and gave me one more dose of the meds and I still felt no relief.  Finally, around 5:30 they decided that I needed to make a decision. I either needed to suck it up, or we needed to take the epi out and re-do it since it didn't seem to be working. I couldn't decide what to do because I was in so much pain I couldn't handle it or really even talk anymore.  The nurse couldn't stand me being in that much pain so she told me she would check me one more time and if she could, we would re-do the epidural.  I was sure I hadn't made any progress in the past hour, so I geared up for the epidural.  However as soon as she checked me, (about 5:40) she said she felt the baby's head, and that we needed to get the doctor asap because it was time to deliver our sweet baby! She even told me that our baby had a lot of hair! Ahh!  It was getting so real!  I was not to push because we needed to get the doctor.  It took them about 15 minutes to get the room all ready to go and get all the equipment in there for when the baby was born, and then it was time to push!  They offered a mirror so I could watch, and of course I had to accept!  Pushing was not painful.  The contractions were still painful, but once I could push, I just wanted to push!  My contractions were very intense, I would have 4 consecutively and then a small break.  4 consecutive, then a small break.  But then it changed to 6 consecutive and a smaller break.  This put the baby in some distress and very little time to recover from each contraction.  Because of this, the doctor decided to use the vacuum to help get her out as quickly as possible.  At 6:05 pm on August 5, 2014 I became a mother and Zack a father to the most beautiful baby girl on the planet.  She was 6 lbs 11 oz and 20 1/4 inches long. But the biggest surprise of all? She was a girl!! Everyone was so excited and surprised. We were all positive that she was a boy.  But oh my goodness are we so excited to have a sweet baby girl. She is absolutely perfect and we could not be happier to have her in our lives.   I will be adding pictures once she goes back to sleep and I have a little more time on my hands!

The Miracle of Rylie Dawn- Part 1

Well, she is here!  Our beautiful little miracle has arrived.  She shocked us all when she came out a girl. But before we get there, let me back up just a little bit.  This is going to be kinda long, but I want to remember every little detail that I can, so I understand if you would rather not read it all. I really just want it for our own family records.

Thursday- July 31, 2014
I had my 38 week doctors appointment today.  I have been in a TON of pain with something called SPD. Basically my understanding is that my pelvic bone is separating.  It makes it hard to walk or roll over or shower.  Well regardless, today at my doctors appointment, Dr. Jackson told me that if I don't go into labor over the weekend, he will induce me early next week.  So we made an appointment for Monday morning at 9:30am to see what we can do to get all this moving right along!  Family is all so excited that they get to be here next week for the arrival of our little baby!  Now to sit and wait for the weekend to pass!

Sunday- August 3, 2014
 We picked up Mike, Steph, and Linz from the airport today and the Ellsworth family (minus the uncles and Tay) jumped in the car to start the long 31 hour drive out to Toledo.  Things are starting to get real!

Monday- August 4, 2014
This morning was my doctors appointment.  The doctors appointment came with some bad news.  Even though the Dr told me that he would be able to induce me starting either today or tomorrow, when he did an actual exam on me, told me that the chances of an induction at this point only has a 10-20% chance of success.  He suggested that we wait until Friday and check me again to see if my body showed more signs of successful induction. Problem!! Our families are all in town and Olsens have to leave by Thursday and my family by Saturday.  Do you know how much they spent on getting out here?  And its not like we can ask them to do it again in a week! Ugh.  Luckily after talking to my doctor and telling him the circumstance, he told me that he would give it a go, but like he said, he expects only about a 10-20% chance of success and if I hadn't made any progress by tomorrow morning, he would be sending me home.  So at least we get a chance! Tonight they will be putting some meds on my cervix, and then hopefully tomorrow we will have a baby.  That being said, we are very worried that this sweet baby will be taking its time to get to us.  On the way home from the doctor, we stopped in the parking lot across the street and said a tearful prayer that we would be able to meet our little one.  Then again in the parking lot of the hospital as we went for our 5:00 check in time.  Please, please let out little one come now with our families here.

"the story" Part 2

Ok well I think I should just get it all out on the line.  Zack and I struggled to have children for 4.5 years, during that time suffering 2 miscarriages, and going through many doctors and never really got an answer.  Everyone said that it seemed like we should get pregnant no problem and that we just needed to be patient.  Well I knew something was wrong, I could just feel it.  Finally, after moving to Ohio, I got in with an absolutely AMAZING doctor.  He broke infertility down into 3 sections.  He said infertility is ALWAYS one of three problems.  It is either the man, the egg, or the uterus.  We know Zack is all clear, so we can narrow it down to the egg or the uterus.  (Disclaimer: this was a very fast conversation, and I may have gotten some facts a little off, but it at least gives you the idea)  We have done ultrasounds and he didn't see anything that made him think that it was my uterus, so he said we should start with the eggs.  Then he smiled at me and told me he bet we would be pregnant within the next 2 months. As exciting as this was, I have actually heard this exact phrase from every doctor that I have been to, so I was excited but still cautious.  I like to say: cautiously optimistic.  Anyways, he put me on Femara (sp?) to make my eggs grow, and then we did an ultrasound to see if they did.  Well, they didn't grow big enough.  So the next month we upped the dosage.  Still the eggs were too small.  So we started with some shots.  I forget the name of it, but it was something like Menopur. It was a shot that I took every night for 5 nights along with taking the Femara. the first month of this, I had 4 big eggs on the right side!! Such good news!!! We were pretty nervous about multiples, but no pregnancy.  We did the same dosage the next month, only I had 8 eggs this time!  All on the right side again.  We were EXTREMELY excited and the doctor even told us that he was so sure that we would get pregnant that he hoped that we just didn't fertilize all 8 eggs, because my body probably wouldn't handle being octo-mom very well.  However, yet again, I was not pregnant.  This really puzzled the doctor.  He saw we had a problem, we fixed it, so I should be getting pregnant now no problem.  That is when we decided to do more testing.  This was not a good month for me.  We found out that on my own, my body does not make eggs that are big enough or healthy enough for pregnancy.  But we fixed that with all those miserable meds that I was taking. (they make me so so sick and gave me horrible headaches.)  Then we did another test and to spare the ugly details, we found out that my right Fallopian tube is blocked.  So all that pain and suffering to make those eggs on the right side was for nothing.  Because no matter if I had 100 eggs on the right side, they would not be able to sustain a pregnancy because that tube is blocking them from implanting to my uterus.  Honestly after getting this news I just gave up. My left side was healthy tube wise but I never made any eggs on that side.  I was heart broken.  I squared my shoulders and told Zack that once the holiday season was over we should start the adoption process.  Zack was more hopeful than I, but still agreed that we could start the process after the new year.

As far as I was concerned, the rest of the doctors appointments were just going through the motions, because I was just too sad and too down to care anymore.  We went to the doctors before I ovulated and low and behold, there was an egg on the left side.  Not only one, but there was even another one that was borderline ready.  Doctor told us to wait a few days and then take my last shot which was ovadrill, which makes me ovulate.  Zack was through the roof and over the moon excited. I was indifferent.  I was too heart broken to even care about it anymore and honestly I was setting my heart on adopting a sweet little baby.  

Come Thanksgiving break, the day after Thanksgiving, I decided that I should take a pregnancy test just to rule the secret quiet nagging question in my head and so that I would be prepared when I saw the period starting.  I took a test that morning, of course Zack knew, we were at his parents house, and I knew that I would not see a positive test.  I took the test and then laid down for a while. Finally, when I looked, I saw not one, but two pink lines. One was very dark.  But the other was quite light.  My heart sank.  Not this again.  This was how my tests looked when I found out the first two times, and both times I had miscarried before I even reached 5.5 weeks. But something told me that this time was different. I showed Zack and he was the same as me. Excited, but very nervous. We have been down this path before.  So I had another test, and took it the following day.  Two pink lines again. And this time, it was darker. Not as dark as the test line, but definitely there.  I showed Zack. We got excited.  But again, cautiously optimistic.  Finally, about 3 weeks after that, I went to the doctors and he ran a bunch of tests.  Test results: 95% chance of a healthy, happy take home baby.  We were so excited and as soon as I saw that little heard beat on the screen, I lost it.  A long long time ago, before I knew we would have troubles getting pregnant, before we were even trying to have a baby, Zack gave me a blessing that promised me that we would have our own children when the time was right.  A month previous, he promised me the same thing again, and this time told me that my body was preparing to get pregnant.  I didn't realize just how soon that blessing was meant to come to pass.

To all my infertile friends: Miracles absolutely do happen. Nobody knows how or when your miracle will come but let me tell you this. I think back to my hopeless and stubborn feelings just about 2 months ago and I hate myself for it.  Here was Heavenly Father trying to give me the biggest blessing of my life aside from Zack, and I am there acting like a spoiled child who didn't get their way.  Trust him. Trust him every single day even when you want to doubt him because you feel so broken.  I wish that I could have seen the blessings that awaited me.  Your blessings await you too. And you want to be faithful the whole way through.

"The story" Part 1

July-December 2009
Marriage. So happy.  Best husband ever.
Such a good husband. Lets make a family!
Not yet. Spend time together. Get to know each other. Fall more in love
.
Missed a birth control pill. Pregnant? Pregnant? Pregnant? Could it happen?
Am I pregnant? Is it too soon? I think maybe I am pregnant.

Blood. Tears. Not pregnant. Please can we try now?
Not  yet. Too early. No money.
Birth control is making me crazy.
Back of the package says 93% effective. I hope I am one of 7%. Please please please.
I hope I'm pregnant. Could I be? OMG please.

Blood. Tears. Not pregnant. Emptiness.
Done with pills. Zack agrees. Other forms of Birth control.

January-June 2010
Feeling at a loss. Heavenly Father promises us we will have kids at the right time.
Please be the exception. Please be pregnant.
Blood. Tears. Not pregnant.

Please be the exception. Please be pregnant.
Blood. Tears. Not pregnant.

Please be the exception. Please be pregnant.
Blood. Tears. Not pregnant.

Please be the exception. Please be pregnant.
Blood. Tears. Not pregnant.

Please be the exception. Please be pregnant.
Blood. Tears. Not pregnant.

July 2010-December 2010
Zack agrees it is time to try. Joy. Tears of joy. Can't wait!!
Hope, please please please please please!
Blood. Tears. Not Pregnant.

Hope, please please please please please!
Blood. Tears. Not Pregnant.

Hope, please please please please please!
Blood. Tears. Not Pregnant.

Hope, please please please please please!
Blood. Tears. Not Pregnant. Should we see a doctor?

Hope, please please please please please!!!
Positive pregnancy test.  Run to the school, meet Zack after his class, share the good news.
So excited. Very panicked.  How will this work out?  Mostly excitement.  We will tell parents over Thanksgiving!
Blood. LOTS of tears. Miscarriage.
Maybe next month.

Hope, please please please please please!
Waiting,hoping, waiting and hoping, waiting and hoping.
Blood. Tears. Not Pregnant. 
Doctors. Testing.
REPEAT CYCLE 12 TIMES.

November 2011
Hope, please please please please please!
POSITIVE PREGNANCY TEST!!!!
Write a poem. Record Zack reading the poem! SO excited! We feel ready!
 We will tell family over Christmas.
Blood. SOOO many tears.  Miscarriage. Heart broken.
Maybe next month.

Hope, please please please please please!
Waiting,hoping, waiting and hoping, waiting and hoping.
Blood. Tears. Not Pregnant. 
Doctors. Testing.
REPEAT CYCLE 23 TIMES



Many absolutely amazing things happened during these years.  I do not want to paint a picture that the first 4.5 years of our marriage was horrible because that could not be farther from the truth.  We were very happy.  We grew closer in love and learned to understand each other that I believe wouldn't have been the same had we had children when we wanted to.  We are very lucky to have each other.  We witnessed many miracles and have grown more than we expected.  I love Zack more than I ever thought I could love another human being.  He is more than I could have imagined for myself and if we never ever had children, he would be enough for me.  There would be heartache involved, of course! But he would be more than I could ask for.  All that being said, infertility is no joke. It freaking sucks, and it is a trial that honestly makes no logical sense at all. People who are most of the time very fit to be parents who don't get to raise the families that they dreamed of.  It is a beast. While I am currently pregnant with what will hopefully be our first child, I still know that I will most likely still suffer from infertility my whole life.  I will always miss those sweet spirits that were miscarriages, and this will be a lifelong challenge.  I am so grateful for my beautiful growing family, and I hope that others can witness our miracle and it will give them comfort for their future families as well.  Now, if you want to know what it was like when we found out and a little about the doctors, you can read the next post! If not... This one to me is the bulk of our story.

MOVING DAY!

Well, here we are... our new adventure.  It has been a pretty crazy one so far.  First of all, I found out that I won't be able to teach here, at least this year.  Because we found out that we would be moving here so late, I missed out on their "interview season" and was told that there was no way that I will get a teaching job here at least for this year.  I am super bummed about this.  I went to school and got this education... for what?  Nothing.  So I will be looking for a position as a nanny once again.  Not that this is a bad thing, its actually a great thing to be a nanny, it pays well and its all under the table, so that is amazing news!  Plus its not nearly as much work as teaching is as far as the daily preparation goes and all of that.  So that is a bummer. I am freaking out a little bit about what the heck I will be doing out here.  I mean right now I have a lot to do with getting the house together, but I just sit here and go CRAZY with my mind racing and thinking about how bad I want to be a mom and how bad I miss my family and all of that.  It makes me miserable!  I need something to do and something to dive into!  So I will find something ASAP!

But in the mean time... Here are some pictures of the move!

Our Last Days in South Bend

Well, after being home and visiting family, we were able to go back to South Bend and had 2 days before the big move!  We spent our last few days doing whatever we possibly could to soak it up and enjoy it!  We went miniature golfing, real golfing, out for ice cream, walked around campus, and in our spare time, we packed up our house.  In talking with Zack and with his family, we have been trying to come up with our favorite things about living in Indiana and going to school.  I would have to say that my favorite thing is the way that my relationship has grown with Zack.  I mean, believe me, there were very hard times.  Times when I was so mad because I wasn't able to spend time with him, times when all I wanted to do was go home and be with my parents and siblings, times when I just wanted to cry.  And many, many times, I did cry.  I missed my family so much and felt a little bit stuck out there.  But in the end, it all worked out for the best.  It honestly has brought Zack and I so much closer, and we have really grown into our relationship.  We were watching that new movie Battleship the other night.  Basically Aliens attack the earth, it looks like the earth is going to be overcome and there is no way out, but in the end, humans win and blow up all the aliens.  Zack made a comment to me about the scene when the enemy was finally defeated and the last ship was blowing up.  He said, "Man can you imagine how amazing of a feeling that would be?  I mean, not the whole middle part where you have to fight them and your friends die and you think the whole world is going to be gone, just that feeling right there."  I obviously agreed with him, but then something dawned on me.  That feeling at the end, where the world is saved, wouldn't be nearly as amazing of a feeling if you didn't have that whole hard middle part.  You would just watch something blow up, and it really wouldn't have much meaning to you.  I mean the explosion would be cool to see, but what really would make that feeling so great is the hard part.  I am so happy and grateful for the trials that we faced while in Indiana.  Even though they are hard, they are what made us grow closer together.  Plus, now we have an amazing new adventure!  Ohio here we come baby!!

Our last mini golf session!

Ritters! Our favorite Ice cream place out there!!

Golfing! My first time real golfing with Zack.  Well I didn't golf, I just watched and drove him around, but it was fun together time!

At the 18th hole!  There were severe thunderstorm warnings the whole time! We were so happy that we finished with time to spare before the storm hit!  BTW please disregard my one nasty eye... My allergies were horrible bad!

Zack wanted to remember all of the green there! 

Our last night... all packed up!  So sad!!

Last time in front of the stadium as a student!  So many amazing memories here!

As per ND tradition, Zack had to ring the bell noting that he has a job!  Seriously so  happy that he does have one!

Our Visit home!

Well after graduation, we had the great opportunity to go home for about 10 days before we moved!  I have to say one thing... I have really got to be better about taking pictures with family.  I don't think I took a single one while I was with them.  The only ones I have, my mother-in-law, Steph sent me from her phone.  So I apologize for that to myself and my future kids and such, because it would be really great to have more pictures.

Well first, we flew into Las Vegas, where my grandpa picked us up and drove us half way to Toquerville.  We spent an amazing week with my family!  We played in the pool and got extremely sun burned, we went on midnight hikes, and we went to the lake where everyone but me, Regan, and my parents go swimmers itch from the lake!!   If you don't know what that is, its basically like chicken pox, only you don't catch them from person to person, you get it from the lake.  So that was pretty miserable for everyone.   But it was definitely like a scene from a movie when everyone got it!  They all were out of the water, Graysen was standing on a picnic table going crazy itching her body like she was on fire.  Then by brother Bo was pacing back and forth looking like he was about to explode trying not to itch.  Cooper was going crazy in the middle of the desert area with a towel over his head, also looking like he was on fire and trying to put it out.  Then Adi and her friend Hannah were just walking all around trying so hard to be tough, but totally burning up with the itch. haha It was really quite funny.  Probably not for all of the itchy people, but it was for Regan and I.

Then we had my brother Bo drive us half way up north to hang out with Zack's family.  Only about an hour into the drive, Bo started throwing up.  I felt so bad!  It was a little bit of a miserable drive for him, but in te end he made it home ok, but I felt so bad for him.  You know, it was funny because during the week, lots of slightly disastrous things happened. Like the swimmers itch and Bo puking. However the great thing is that we still completely loved our time there!  It was just normal family time and I absolutely loved it!

Well once we got up with the Olsen clan, we also had a blast!  We had the family all over to celebrate that we are in town, we went and had like the best time ever going miniature golfing and then playing in the arcade area!  I mean unfortunately, I lost at mini golf, so then I had to go buy everyone ice cream.  But it was yummy and fun to go out with the family, so it was ok!

We also saw some of our good friends, the Hills which was fun and went to watch Kaden play baseball and did some shopping and went out to Spaghetti Factory, obviously, I mean thats like a tradition.

Well Long story short, it was an amazing time, and we were so happy to have some great family time before our big move!

Here are some pictures!  Enjoy!

I went running with our dog Maggie... she is the best running partner!  I love her so much!

I FINALLY rode the horses at Zack's house!! So fun!

Bensons actually ended up being up in Northern Utah that weekend and we were so lucky that they came and visited us!  The WHOLE family this time! yay!!

Our friends the Hills.. So good to see them again!

Zack playing on the old stomping grounds again...  It was cute to watch him be so excited out there!

Sharing a yummy strawberry daiquiri!   YUMMY!!!

ND graduation!

WOW! I cannot believe we are already here.  Our year here at ND is over.  I am so heart broken and excited at the same time!  Being as it was graduation weekend, we had a TON of family in town.  First, On Thursday afternoon, Zacks Grandma and Grandad  showed up.  We took them around town a little bit and then they took us out for dinner!  After dinner we met up with the Bensons and all of us went out to get some ice cream.  It  was so fun to see people and be able to talk and relax and not have Zack worry at all about homework or school.

Friday Zack's family came in and we enjoyed time celebrating my graduation. I felt very special.  I got a BEAUTIFUL bracelet !in a little blue box! from my in-laws.  And some other very sweet gifts from the grand parents.  Then we enjoyed some cake and ice cream all together.  The best graduation gift I could have gotten was the Bensons and the Olsens all there with us.  The only thing that could have made it better was to have my family there as well.    I definitely missed them!

Saturday was the first day of Graduation ceremonies.  The business department walked and he got his diploma- MBA Magna cum Laude.  I am so proud of him and all of his hard work.  We enjoyed a great dinner and evening together again.

Sunday we went to the big overall ceremony with all the undergrads, which was AMAZING by the way.  We besides the KILLER hott weather.  We were roasting.  But it was such a great time.  We then went to church and walked around campus and had an amazing night just hanging out together.

I had to work Monday, so Sunday I had to say goodbye.

It was such an amazing experience to have all of them here.  We have such an amazingly strong support system, and it was just so wonderful to have all of them here.  I already miss those evenings we had just sitting and talking.  I love you all!!

Zack and his good buddy Brian. They did this whole program together and were in our ward. They love each other a lot.

A more normal picture of the two of them

Our best friends out here!  Brian and his wife Carolyn.  So happy we got a picture with them before we all left for the year.

The Bensons!  I am so happy tat they were able to come out and visit and support Zack and I.  We have missed them like CRAZY!!

Zack and I on day 2 of the festivities!

Us with Touch Down Jesus!

Zack and Touch down Jesus with a sweet picture of his Masters hood on the back of his robe!

Zack and his parents.  How I have grown to love my in-laws.  I am so grateful for all they do for us and for the support that we constantly feel from them.  It was so great to have them out here!

The whole Olsen/Caputo clan that came!  Other than Jace, all the family and living grand parents made the trip out.  So incredibly fun to have them all!

ND tradition, you can't walk down these steps til you are graduated.  Here is Zack taking those steps like a champ!

I know that I look high in this picture but it was a random spontaneous moment that Zack kissed me during pictures.  It just showed how excited he was that day and I love it.  The picture is funny, but it reminds me of a great moment.

Day 1 of the festivities, after he got his official diploma!

This is the whole clan that came out for graduation!  It was SO fun to have you all here!!

Right after receiving his diploma! He was so happy!

Zack and his Nana.  So happy she could come out to support us.  Seriously so fun

 

A&F Controversy

So.. I have heard a LOT about this whole Abercrombie deal.  For those of you who haven't, (obviously you're living under a rock) here is a quote from A&F CEO.

"Candidly, we go after the cool kids. We go after the attractive all-American kid with a great attitude and a lot of friends. A lot of people don't belong [in our clothes], and they can't belong. Are we exclusionary? Absolutely."

So this has caused a HUGE uproar all around the country.  While he maybe could have said things a little more eloquently,  and been more sensitive to the feelings of others, I actually don't think it should have been that big of a deal.  I am sure he didn't mean to make anyone sad or feel bad about themselves, he was just stating his company's business plan.  If you think about it, the "cool kids" are the kids who, generally speaking, spend more money on clothes.  He didn't say, "I hate kids who aren't cool" or "If you're not a size 0 you should not be wearing cute clothes" or "Anyone who is even a little bit fat should go commit suicide"  He didn't even say, "If you don't fit in our sizes you are not as beautiful as the people who do".  He simply told people frankly who his company was targeting as their primary customers.

Did you know that McDonalds targets single parents as their favorite customers?  The difference is that anybody can buy and eat food.  I mean anyone can buy the clothes at Abercrombie, it just might not fit them.  Also, McDonalds doesn't offer actual healthy food.  They say that people know what they are getting when they come here, and let's be honest, people don't come to McDonald's to get a healthy meal.  They o to Whole Foods or little Cafes.  And what about Plus size stores?  Should anyone who doesn't fit in plus sizes be in an uproar about the fact that the plus size stores target those who have volumtious curves?? No.  Companies are allowed to target whatever market that they want to.

This world can be so overly critical sometimes.  I mean I even look at much of the Gay community.  They expect everyone to accept their personal views and beliefs, but then if you don't believe in same sex marriage, they criticize you and attack your own beliefs.

Everyone should fight for what they believe in.  But there is a way to fight for what you believe in without attacking others.  I hope that I have not offended anyone.  Big is beautiful.  Small is beautiful.  No matter what your size is, you have outer beauty as well as inner beauty.  All I am saying is that companies have the right to target whomever they want to.  Don't be offended by that.  Be strong and confident enough in yourself that you don't get offended easily.

Sorry for that rant.  I'll be done now!

Big Beautiful Changes

So... I dyed my hair. This is what I now look like!

Quite a big change huh?  For those of you who don't know what I looked like before... here is a before and after shot.

 

























 I have been asked, probably a thousand times why I decided to do this to my hair.  Which honestly translates to me, "Man, you looked way better beforehand!"  To most, I respond with, "because I wanted to look hott!" or "I just needed a change!"

While neither of those reasons are wrong, there is a deeper reason that I changed my hair.  With so much going on in my life right now, my brother in law and sister going off into the MTC, and Zack graduating with his masters being right around the corner, I was just feeling left behind.  Zack graduating means that we are done with school.  Something that I have been waiting for since basically the day that we got married! Our whole marriage has been him going to school and me going to school and working.  We have never had a substantial income. We have had enough to get by (with loans for grad school), but not really much extra.  I guess I should be ecstatic that this time period is coming to an end, but really, I am scared to death!  I guess I thought by now that our lives would just look a little different.  I thought before that we would have a child before we graduated from SUU.  Now our time here at ND has come to an end, and yet, we leave here childless.  Don't get me wrong, I am so grateful for what Zack and I have, and this wonderful time that we have had to spend together, getting to know each other and  falling more in love.  I know that if we would have had a child that ND wouldn't have been a viable option for us financially.  I love the life we have.  I just also know that there is a special kind of love that grows between a man and his wife when they raise their children.  I feel that what Zack and I have is something special.  Something so special, that bringing a child in to be a part of our family would only strengthen it.  I guess it all comes down to, I feel like I am spinning my wheels.  I feel like I am trying to move forward, but my forward progress isn't really in my control.  It seems like everyone that I know is either pregnant, graduating, finding awesome jobs, or heading off into the future in some other way.  And I'm over here like, oh hey! Can I watch your kids and pretend they're mine?  I mean most of the people that got married around when Zack and I did are on their second kid now.  And this whole feeling of not moving forward is just amplified by the fact that we aren't sure where we are going in May yet, and I, therefore, cannot start applying for jobs or looking for housing or deciding what my next move is.  Then I realized.  I am just letting the baby thing rule my whole life.  I AM moving forward. I graduated college in December for Heaven's sake!  The only area that I haven't progressed in is being a Mom, and that isn't really in my control.  SO... I sold my baby bassinet that I had been saving for our baby to sleep in, and I dyed my hair.  I love the blonde.  Yes, it is more damaged than it was, yes, I know that it took some getting used to, especially for Zack, yes, it probably was a little expensive, and yes, I love it anyway. 

This change in my hair signifies a change in my attitude.  Even though there is not a lot in my life that I can control right now, I could change my hair.   So, every time I look in the mirror,  I remember that I sold that baby bassinet that I loved, and by doing that, I took back a little bit of control.  I no longer have to walk by that beautiful piece of furniture and have it remind me of what I don't have yet.  Now I get to look in the mirror and remember that I am beautiful. And that makes me happy.

Quincy...

Well, my little sister is gone. She is in the MTC.  It was very hard saying goodbye to her, especially since I knew that she was still going to be in town, but that it would be the last time I saw her for over 18  months.  Quincy is my little peanut.  My little sweet and innocent, yet oddly inappropriate, and painfully shy little sister.  And now she is in the MTC.  I cannot believe the wonderful, beautiful, woman that she is grown into.  I hate that she is gone.  I mean, I am very proud of her for serving the Lord, don't get me wrong!  But it is much harder to send a girl off than a boy.  You expect the boys to go, and you can tell yourself, "If they weren't going, then I would be much more sad".  But in sending my little sister off, even though I know it is the right thing for her to do, and I know that she will make an amazing impact on the lives of many, for selfish reasons, I wish that she were staying home.  I would feel safer.

I know that it is silly, and I honestly do really support her in going and am so happy for her and all of the lessons that she will learn and how much growth she will get from this whole experience.  I love her, and I know this is the best thing for her. I just need to stop being selfish and wanting to keep her home with me.

Regardless, here is a picture of the sweet little sister that is mine.  I know that she is going to be a wonderful missionary and I cannot wait to see her again in 18 months.

Another thing that happened this past little bit is that Jaceman (my brother in law) left the MTC and is now in Paris!! I cannot wait to hear from him and hear all of his adventures in that beautiful place!

Til next time!

Dancin in the Dark

Ok, so for those of you who don't know, I am currently a nanny and a substitute teacher. I do not thoroughly enjoy substitute teaching.  I thought it would be more like teaching, but let me tell you... it is not.  Nothing like it. I would even say they are almost opposites.  Ok maybe not that bad, but I love teaching because I want to make the difference in lives of kids.  Substituting you are not making a difference, and kids do not like you.  And when kids do not like you, and you know that you are only in their lives for one day, it is so hard to be patient.  My first day I had a first grader throw a chair at me.  NOT my cup of tea.

Anyways, I was having one of my hard moments where I did not want to substitute teach, and was telling Zack how ready I am to not have to take jobs that I don't want anymore, and just complaining about how hard things feel for me.  I was really stressed out and in tears when he turned off the lights, grabbed his phone, put on some music, and danced with me.  At first I didn't want to, because I was sad and down, but he made me, and by the song I was giggling and laughing at his sweet dance moves.  By the third song, we were both injured because we tried to do some fancy dance moves that were a little out of our skill level. I really still have a bruised toe, nail broken in half, and bruised tail bone from falling right down so hard on my butt.  But then we ended the last song keeping it simple and just a little nice easy step.  I could not have been happier.  My husband makes me so happy.




I hope that if I ever have a daughter, or a few daughters, I can only hope and pray that there are little boys that will grow up to be their perfect match the way that Zack is mine.  I hope that somehow we can instill in them the importance of finding the person that is so special, and then teach them the hard work that is involved in making every relationship work.  Our relationship is absolutely not perfect.  We have a lot that we have to work on in order to keep our marriage at its strongest.  But thats the thing, we do the work.   We don't have it all figured out, but we are working at it.  I want to raise sons that will make the same sacrifices that Zack makes for me.  Sons that are worthy priesthood holders and effortlessly happy like their father is.  I just want a bunch of little Zacks running around, and then a little version that is a little like me, only less bossy.  Some day.  Some day all that will happen.  But for now, I am going to enjoy the time that I am able to spend dancing in the dark with my sweetheart.

Jace LEFT..! :(

Well, Jaceman officially left for his mission.  He is such an amazing example to us.  I am so happy to have such a wonderful and worthy brother in law.  He will do wonderful things in Paris, and the Lord is a lucky man to have Jace on his side.  I am pretty sure that Zack and I both have written him almost every day since he left, and we got our very own letter from him in the mail the other day!  It was so good to hear from him!!

When he got set apart we were able to Facetime with him and still be a part of the amazing experience.  I am thankful for modern technology that helped us be there for that day, and for parents and inlaws who value family so much that they flew us out to Utah to be at both of the farewells.  It was amazing to see our siblings so incredibly grown up and to see their light in the gospel.

We already miss you a ton, Jace!! We love you!! Have fun in the MTC!! 

Christmas Break 2012

I cannot believe that Christmas break is already over!!!  Well, to give you a little update on how our Christmas break went, here was our schedule.  We left Southbend on dec 15 and went to Detroit where we caught a plane to Vegas where we met my family who took us to Toquerville.  We were there for a few days, then we drove up to Cedar and then we were up to Kaysville, where we spent a few more days, and then we went back down to Cedar City for a few days, then back down to Toquerville, then back up to Kaysville, then back down to Toquerville, then Vegas, then Minneapolis, then Ft. Myer, then to Miami, then to Ft. Lauterdale, then back to Miami, then back to Ft. Lauterdale, then to Detroit, and FINALLY, back to South Bend.  So "whirlwind" might be an understatement.

As a said before, we started our trip in Toquerville with my family. I guess technically we flew into Vegas, which was so amazingly fun!  I could hardly contain my excitement as we were walking out to see my family for the first time in 7 whole months!  We were so excited to see that my om's big car was filled with all the family members that were not working.  I couldn't believe how much everyone was the same and yet at the same time.  It also made us feel so loved to have so many there to greet us and welcome us home.  We went and saw my grandparents, ate dinner with them and enjoyed some talking time, and then we headed back to Toquerville. There we enjoyed some really great relaxing time with my family accompanied with quite a bit of shopping.  We also built a family "Christmas tree" with our bodies.  We also spent a lot of time playing pranks on Grandee and really just enjoying the time we had together.  It was wonderful to go to church as a whole family again, and of course then to enjoy the temple for Quincy's first time.  It is so crazy that she is old enough to go through the temple and that shortly she will be heading off to Korea to serve the Lord and bring the gospel to the homes and hearts of many.

After being there for a few days, we were on our way up to Kaysville. But on our way through, we couldn't forget to stop in Cedar and say hello to the Benson family where we gave the kids their presents. Let me just tell you, giving presents to kids is just the best thing in the world.  They are so excitable and fun and their eyes just light up when they get new gifts.  We always enjoy our time with the Bensons.

Later that day we went up to Kaysville where we spent a wonderful evening with the Sexy Six friends to celebrate a birthday.  Hanging out with them was so much fun!  It is so crazy how we don't hang out more than maybe a couple of times a year, but every time we do, it is such a blast and we always miss them so much when we leave.

Once we FINALLY made it up to the Olsen house, it was so incredibly wonderful to finally see all of the in-laws.  We spent that first night just hanging out together, and then early the next morning we had the pleasure of going through the temple with Jace. Again, an absolutely beautiful experience, and it is SO crazy for me to believe that he is headed out to Paris in just over a month.  After the temple we went out to breakfast and then out to do family pictures with the whole extended Olsen family.  It was really nice to be able to go to Kaysville and get all the things for Zack done, like going to the doctors and dentist offices, but most importantly, spending time with family.  We had a wonderful time with the Olsens.  After Kaysville, we went back down and spent a day with the Bensons again!  All I can really say about being with the Bensons is that it is just like being with family.  We cannot express the gratitude we have towards them and their amazing family.

After the Besons, we returned back to Toquerville where we had yet, more fun times with the family going paint-balling and playing pickle ball and just enjoying our time together.  Then we were back up to Kaysville where we attended the wedding of one of Zack's closest high school buddies.  It was a wonderful time, and really great to go to the temple 3 times over our break.

The last leg of our trip was just back to Toquerville to stay over night and then head back to Vegas first thing in the morning to head out to Miami.  I will do that in a different post as this one is getting very long.

The very best part this break was to see family and get to spend good quality time with our siblings before they leave on their missions.  We are freaking out a little bit that we will only see them one more time before they leave, but we are so happy for their righteous choices and the great examples they are setting for the rest of us.  Here are some pictures,


To learn more about LDS missions and what the missionaries teach, feel free to visit www.mormon.org

 Til next time!

Miami Baby!!

Wahoo!! What a fun time we had in Miami!!  After going to Utah and bouncing back and forth between family, Zack and I were able to get a little get away, just the two of us.  We left Vegas on my birthday, and headed out for a 5 night stay in Miami to watch Notre Dame get our butts handed to us in the game.  While the game was a big fat bummer, if you look at the score, we had such a fun time!!  We met up with our amazing friends the Bensons, and we went out for an AMAZING dinner.  And guess what, I ate seafood! And even better... I liked it!!!  I had lobster Mac n cheese, an boy oh boy it was good!   Zack had a really yummy salmon!  I have had salmon before, but it was definitely not as good as it was at this awesome place.

We had so much fun checking out the stadium the day before the game, and getting a few little trinkets to bring home. We spent time on the beach, enjoying the amazing weather out there! And we even had an absolute blast scalping a ticket for me.  Zack did have to physically pull me away from some ghetto scam artist with no teeth who was a big jerk because I was letting him know how I felt about how dirty he was playing.  We also saw another fight break out over a guy selling counterfeit tickets.  So it was pretty fun!  In the end we found a very trustworthy businessman that sold us a ticket for a very reasonable price.  He even gave us quite a deal compared to other scalpers out there that day because we were students and his son is a student.  It was very nice, and we were lucky to get in there!!

We were sad to say goodbye to the Bensons for the trip, but it was nice to be able to spend our last couple nights just the two of us with no cares in the world!  We really just enjoyed the company and lounge around at the pool and the beach until we had to leave.

I am so lucky to be married to my husband.  I cannot express how wonderful he is to me and how strong he is for the both of us.  He is the best husband, and he will be the best father when the time comes for us to have children.  He cares for me and dotes over me and works hard and is family oriented and even can be a little spontaneous every once in a while. (don't tell him I told you!)

Well I hope you enjoy our pictures, til next time!!